And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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