kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
