11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
