I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
