Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
