i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
