His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
there is puke in my bra ... again
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
