im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
