cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
