Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
