Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
