well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
