in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i believe in u and ur pee
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
