But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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