So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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