Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
