From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
