you would pick up someone in the library
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
