Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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