Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
