if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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