I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
