she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
