i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
