Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
