Your tits are I can't wait for
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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