My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
zippers are such a cool invention
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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