Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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