i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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