we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
