yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
