I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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