you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
