Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
