At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
