Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
