Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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