just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
