i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
