Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
