i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't deserve a penis
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
