No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
