I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
