My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
