Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
