Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
