hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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