help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
