You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
