first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So vagazzling was a success
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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