so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All I want is dick and wine.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
